Friday night I was watching Sheer Dallas (TLC... it's fabulous... you must watch it) & Real Estate Sales Woman extraordinaire Carolyn Shamis said "Image is Everything". As simple of a statement as it was (while she was buying thousands of dollars worth of jewels)...
How we see ourselves... how we imagine ourselves in our head...the way we take care of our bodies... determines who we are & our successes.
2005 has been a hard sales year for me. Being new in sales I knew this was coming eventually, but as much as I thought I was prepared... I wasn't ready for it. It has become personal, it has become about me, it has become my failure, it has become... self defeating.
Six weeks ago I was given a goal that I knew I couldn't reach by a man who has met me once... for 3 seconds. A goal that was relayed from him... to another... to my boss... to me.
Initially I grieved, I knew that working towards this goal was not only impossible... but it was going to drain everything out of me.
I immediately took the focus off of me and all the things that have made me successful in the past and solely thought of ways to generate more interest in the product at hand.
I think more than anything I wanted to be able to say at the end of the time period (3 months) that at least I had worked hard... but am I working smart? What price am I paying by not caring about myself? Am I loosing the balance & joy in my life that has made me a successful, energetic, fun, salesperson?
People are starting to say I look tired & stressed... I am too tired to convince them they're wrong.
In trying to achieve my goal I also gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted... a bribe of sorts... a cookie to get you through another hour... Sure! A 400 calorie mocha to wake you up... Absolutely!
The second thing I did was I started working later and later... and I stopped going to yoga... exercise became walking to Starbucks each morning.
I had a little bit of a wake up call last week (although it's taken me this long to realize it). I found a lump... I didn't know what it was... a bruise... a cyst... I had no idea, so I went to the doctor. A new doctor. A very perceptive doctor....
She told me to "find something else to worry about".... I had to laugh out loud. The last thing I need is something else to worry about... but my body was screaming for attention.
When I didn't listen it hit me with a weekend long allergy attack just to remind me of it's neglect... I'm now officially listening...
As trivial as it sounds my confidence rises and falls with my weight. Growing up a dancer I was always mentally one step away from an eating disorder. Ten pounds changes my confidence level drastically. I have a love/hate relationship with food & the ten pounds that I can never seem to take off.
I spent my entire college dance team career on weight probation and I weighed 20 pounds less than I do right now!
So tonight... after a long stare in the mirror... I purged everything from my apartment that I had bought in the last 6 weeks that was bad for me.
My neighbor is a struggling dental student so he got a nice little care package of doritos... ice cream sandwiches... and homemade cookies. He was thrilled... I guess he can fill his own cavities when they arrive!!!
I'm taking back my body. Not with a goal of being thin... the goal is to be healthy. God has given me a healthy body and I have to take care of it. My father has been sick for the past month, my mother is a chronic pain patient, my cousin just finished chemo for Hodgkins... I've been given the gift of health and I am taking it for granted.
If it means I have to go to yoga and go back to work... fine... if it means I have to find a new workout regimen that doesn't have to fit into a "scheduled class"... so be it. Tomorrow I take back control of my health. I will need everyone's support...
So here I sit at one of those pesky forks in the road of life again... I'm halfway through the 3 months and nowhere NEAR the goal...
Do I keep going down the self defeating, self draining road...
Or do I fight to figure out how to love and respect myself enough to attempt to go down a rockier road of a life in balance...
After writing this post I found the list below... it's amazing when you find answers right beneath your nose (or on your other explorer window as it turns out)...
Carolyn Shamis' Rules of Order...
1- A SENSE OF BALANCE MUST APPLY TO ALL AREAS OF YOUR LIFE, NOT JUST YOUR LIVELIHOOD
2 - ITS SO IMPORTANT IN LIFE TO HAVE A LIFE PLAN. PLANNING IS PRELUDE TO BALANCE
3 - THE MORE YOU LEARN, THE MORE YOU EARN. EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE MORE YOU LEARN, THE MORE YOU LIVE
4 - A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE IS A KEY INGREDIENT TO A BALANCED, LONG AND HAPPY LIFE
5 - HUMOR IS ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO GET AND KEEP A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE. WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH, HUMOR HELPS..EVEN SICK HUMOR
6 - ITS NICE TO BE IMPORTANT, BUT EVEN MORE IMPORTANT TO BE NICE
7 - SETTING UP "WIN WIN" RELATIONSHIPS IS THE ULTIMATE MEASURE OF SUCCESS IN LIFE.. AND IN BUSINESS
8 - BE A GIVER, NOT A TAKER. THEY DON'T PUT LUGGAGE RACKS ON HEARSES FOR GOOD REASONS
9 - INTEGRITY, GOOD HEALTH, FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING MONEY CAN BUY
10 - DON'T FORGET TO HAVE FUN. THE MORE FUN YOU HAVE, THE MORE MONEY YOU MAKE, THE MORE FUN YOU HAVE